


Innocent Eyes

by shade_of_purple



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9604343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shade_of_purple/pseuds/shade_of_purple
Summary: Aaron has been made to attend therapy sessions where he meets his therapist, Robert.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea and it wouldn't leave me. I kind of know where this is going, just not too sure how I will get there.
> 
> Kind of AU as you'll find out.
> 
> All feedback welcome.

“Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin”. Aaron said with all the bravado he could muster. On the outside he was trying to show how in control of this he was, whereas inside, the truth was, he was completely terrified.

“I heard that somewhere and thought it was a good line” he spoke softly to the smart-casually dressed man opposite him. “Maybe not… Maybe this was the worst idea…” Aaron got up to leave but as he did the blond haired man held out his hand and lightly brushed Aaron’s, it was brief but the contact shocked Aaron and his eyes glazed over with an emotion that the other man thought he recognised but didn’t want to entertain. Aaron had been in the room all of two minutes and hadn’t taken anything in at all about who he was sat with, he’d been so focused on his little-big-man-bolstered-up charade that he hadn’t really looked or taken in his surroundings. But in that instant the only thing that he could see were this pair of eyes, looking at him with care and it melted his icy interior the slightest bit.

“Aaron, let’s slow down. Lets start again. My name is Robert, in here we talk about anything you like, in as little or as much detail as you wish. I have only one rule, beyond yours and mine; all names are left at the door”, Robert spoke in a controlled but softened voice and Aaron was accepting of the situation, more than he thought he would be. He settled back in the comfortable spongy chair and Robert did the same.

“I’ve never had therapy before, I was expecting a huge long leather sofa that you imagine Freud having in his office and me layin’ on it all sprawled out and some 60 year old bloke with a stop watch timing me” Aaron spoke like himself for the first time that morning. He had got up early and had left the village for his appointment in Leeds as to avoid seeing anyone he knew. He didn’t want to see his mum or anyone remotely connected to his life. He had this plan that he would be someone else at these sessions, because being someone else is so much easier than facing up to yourself. Aaron knew that’s what he was doing but he didn’t much care.

He was here as he had been made to come because of what had happened. He figured he would attend a few sessions, make it look like progress and then sack it off. Once the dust had settled he would try again. And this time he would be successful.

“Well I guess I’m not like other therapists.”


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron sat in silence for what felt like several minutes. He glanced around and tried to take in his surroundings. The room was quite big and not the idea he had in his head at all. He thought that it would be without feeling inside but he sensed a warmth in that office, a feeling he couldn’t quite place. Was it safety?

There was a small window to his right; the cloudy February sky offered no heat through the smeared glass and no view worth mentioning other than of the cars parked in the hospital car park.

“I wonder if ya can see me car from ‘ere?” he spoke out, not really questioning himself or Robert sat opposite him. It was just something to say.

“What car have you got?” the voice spoke lightly and unassuming and startled Aaron, making him turn his head back to the man sat in front of him. He hadn’t expected this conversation to start at all but it was certainly welcome from talking about the reason he was sitting in that office.

“Erm, an 06 Golf” he spluttered out. “Ah I see, a true boy racer car then! Alloys I’m guessing, maybe even a sound system in the boot?” Robert responded, speaking in a friendly, matey manner, which instantly put Aaron at ease and could that even be the hint of a smile threatening to take hold of him? 

“Alloys yes, sound system in the boot? No mate, I’m not that chavvy… Anymore!” Aaron chuckled lightly “... I used to be. If you’d of seen me at 16 then I’d be wearing Kappa gear and blasting music out walkin’ down the street on my speakerphone. I remember doin’ that to “Umbrella” and pretendin’ that it was just Jay-Z’s rappin’ that I was interested in, but secretly I liked the whole tune. So yeah, walking down the street at 16 blastin’ Rihanna out. Never really stood a chance did I?”

“A chance of what?” Robert asked tentatively. Robert had worked Aaron out a little already and he knew that this was make or break. If he could get Aaron to open up now on his terms then it was his way in. If not, then they would continue to dance around each other and get nothing from this first session. Sure they could sit and talk shit about the weather but that’s not why they were both here. Robert sensed a breakthrough was imminent; the air in the room changed and as his patient looked at him so did his whole presence. Aaron had started bouncing his right leg rhythmically at a fast pace and his face became serious and sullen. He spoke clearly and concisely.

“Of bein’ straight”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters, I just write and then post them. No chance of chickening out then!


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m guessin’, bein’ a therapist, ya not a homophobe. Well, ya better not be or me and you are gonna come to blows” Aaron growled, but there was no real heat in his words. This was one of his many problems. Anger. Sometimes a thick fog would come down over him and he wouldn’t see anything at all. All he would be is a big ball of pure rage that would terrify those he was closest to. Aaron never knew where it came from or what would set it off but even he himself would admit that he didn’t want it to be who he was and if this therapy could do anything then solving his anger issues would be a positive.

Sitting here, thinking of curing his anger issues? Why would he be thinking this when in a few weeks it wouldn’t even matter? Aaron got lost in thought for the briefest of moments until he was brought back in to the here and now again by the ever present friendly tone of Robert.

“Aaron, in this room you can be whoever you want to be. I mean, being yourself is certainly preferred; cos playing a character isn’t gonna help you in the long run, also I think its pretty tiring too, having to concentrate like that. Making up a person in ya head. Also I am kind of astute, having a degree and all” he chuckled lightly which in turn made Aaron do the same “and I have the memory of an elephant, plus I make notes so if you say something one day and then the next you forget the story you’ve concocted and say something that totally contradicts it, then I’ll know sadly, that you’re talking bullshit” Robert caught himself, he was rambling.

Robert had been a therapist for 3 years. It wasn’t what he always wanted to do growing up. He didn’t give two shits about helping people when he was 13 as he was way too selfish for that. But life threw stuff at him and his tastes changed, he changed. It wasn’t about giving back to others or helping society, it was just a need to listen to them.

This was a first for Robert for an initial session. He had a routine with first time patients, it would all be about them. He had an unspoken rule that he wouldn’t really talk a lot about himself as that’s where problems ensue, ranging from patients becoming too attached to him through to only talking about his life and not getting to the route cause of why the patients were sitting in his office. His job was to see through all that. People came to him for doing something but it was his job to see past what was on the surface and get to why they did it and hopefully help them enough to stop them from doing it again and maybe even change them.

“So back to your question Aaron, no I am not a homophobe. If you need to talk to me about wearing feather boas on a Friday night then I will sit and listen and most importantly, not judge” he said with a big grin. It worked and he got the response he wanted from Aaron.

“Feather boas!? You’re a terrible judge of character! Clearly ya don’t know me at all!” Aaron said with a smirk that travelled to his eyes and made them crease.

“No, but I’m guessing I’m about to start learning”.


	4. Chapter 4

“Well, my sad story is that I tried to top meself. Dunno why. Dunno if I really wanted to ‘end it all’ as they say” Aaron did air speech marks with his fingers, “Sorry, dunno why I did that, I don’t do things like that, its not me at all…”

Robert interjected, stopping Aaron speaking “Aaron, you don’t need to apologise, like I said, I am not here to judge you, I am only here to listen” he said lightly, trying to convey as much care as he could while still remaining professional.

“OK, well there’s 2 things wrong ‘ere. Number one, ya interrupted me. Ya say ya here ta listen to me, except ya butted in and started talkin’ over me. Which I find a bit rude to be fair, and number two” Robert sat back a little and took in what Aaron was saying as he continued to speak “I wasn’t apologisin’ for tryin’ to top meself, I was apologisin’ for the speech marks with me fingers. I hate that, it’s so bloody pretentious and wanky. Makes anyone who does it look like a total tosser in my eyes”. He was getting slightly angry, here Aaron was, trying to open up as best he could and here was this prick sitting in front of him cutting him off when he tried to get stuff off his chest. In that moment Robert had become one of those tossers that Aaron had just described. Aaron clenched his fists together as his right leg continued to move up and down.

Robert sensed this change in his newest patient and he did something he wouldn’t normally do. Robert hoped that his next move would work, part of him questioned why he even thought about doing it but it just came naturally to him. It might have worked or he could next be laid down floored with a broken nose regretting his unusual actions. He reached out and put his hand on Aaron’s tapping knee to calm him down and again like their brief touch previously, there was a moment. Clarity.

It was quick and both men caught a glimpse of each other’s eyes and the room stilled, as if the whole world was inside a heartbeat right there in that moment. Robert sighed a breath that he didn’t realise he had been holding as Aaron calmed at the touch.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta go” Aaron let out hurriedly and with that he was gone from the chair and out of the office door, leaving Robert sitting in the dusty haze of his mind wondering what on Earth had just happened.


	5. Chapter 5

It took Robert a while to get back in to the flow of his day. He had 4 other patients to see, all of them regulars who all had different issues to deal with and he did what he always did. He listened. But in the moments in between sessions he found himself doing something he never did. He began thinking about a patient; he began thinking about Aaron.

He thought a lot about what had happened in their brief encounter and what he had learned about Aaron. Robert had learned that Aaron had anger issues, had tried to end his own life and that he was gay. Robert had so many questions about this man. Questions he normally would have about his patients but there was a difference here. He actually cared about the answers.

Robert cared deeply about helping his patients and learning about their lives was part of that, but he had never had an urge to get to know them, whereas with Aaron that is what it felt like he wanted. But then he felt a sudden emotion that was not welcome. It was regret.

Robert regretted reaching out and touching Aaron on the knee for many different reasons. Firstly, it was completely unprofessional and could be seen as harassment. Here was a health professional with a duty of care placing a hand in an inappropriate area of a patient. If Aaron reported this Robert could get the book thrown at him, he would be known as an opportunist creep and his career would be over. 

Secondly, he regretted making Aaron leave. Aaron clearly needed help and it felt like, although briefly, that he may be open to receiving it. But then Robert went and put his foot in it and scared the man away. Which then lead Robert to his third regret.

He may never see Aaron again.

Why did Robert care so much about this? He sat for what felt like hours going over this one point in his head. Aaron got away from him and now he may not get the chance to get to know him. That’s what Robert realised, he enjoyed Aaron’s banter and he seemed like a genuinely down to earth guy who Robert enjoyed the company of. He liked cars and Robert certainly related to him on that level. That’s what it was. He would have liked to be Aaron’s mate.

It was 16.55 and Robert was about to pack up and leave when his office phone rang. “Hello?” he asked as he answered the call on speakerphone as he held his briefcase is his left hand. “Erm, is-is that, Robert?” the voice on the other end asked questioningly, almost sounding afraid of the answer. Robert knew that voice. Instantly.

“Yes” was all he could say. Aaron was on the end of the line, he got to speak to him. Whatever was said next didn’t matter to Robert in that moment, all he could think about was that he was speaking to Aaron again. Even if this was a goodbye call, it would be better than the abrupt rushed departure hours previously.

“I got put through by reception, sorry I’m guessing you people do 9-5 and ya about ta go ‘ome, I’ll go, I was just gonna leave a message on ya voicemail” Aaron spoke quickly. “No! I mean, I was about to leave but say what you called to say. In fact if it is easier, pretend I am the answerphone, I wont say anything” Robert said just as quickly, desperate for Aaron not to go, “just please don’t hang up”.  
Where did that last line come from?

After a few seconds, Aaron spoke “I just wanted ta say that I am sorry Robert, I know ya tryna help me and I just lashed out. I do a lot of that these days. It something I have done all me life. But I think I’m tryna change and I know that you’re just there ta listen, with ya non-leather chair and ya non-60-year-old self” Aaron exhaled sharply, his voice full of emotion as he continued. “We have another session booked tomorrow and I’d like ta come to it, if that’s OK, cos I ain’t got nowt else on and maybe you can chew me ear off about how much ya know about alloys” he paused, the silence between them was thick “so yeah, I’ll see ya tomorrow at 10 on the dot” and at that Aaron hung up and Robert just stood in his office wondering to himself if he could wait until the next day to carry on the conversation.


	6. Chapter 6

Robert felt light headed as he plonked himself down on to his desk chair, his mind racing with what had just occurred. Aaron had done something that Robert hadn’t even realised that he had wanted to happen. Aaron had reached out to him. Robert caught himself daydreaming at the thought; he had the biggest cheesy grin on his face that if anyone was to see then they would think that he had just won the EuroMillions jackpot. What was the matter with him?

He barely even registered how he got home to his flat, the flat packed furniture all set to be moved out when a voice snapped at him, cutting through the clouds that his head was currently stuck in “Darling, eat out or eat in?” Chrissie asked. “What?” Robert replied, clearly not listening to a word his fiancée had spoken. “I was asking about dinner, you know, food, to keep you alive after a long hard day at the office?” Chrissie said as she stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around Robert’s neck, placing a quick peck on his lips as she did so.

“Oh, yeah, sorry… Erm eat in?” Robert responded and Chrissie placed another, slightly more lingering kiss against his lips “I was hoping you’d say that as I already know what I want for dessert…” She made her intentions clear as she cupped Robert through his work jeans. Normally this small action would be enough to bring him right back to the moment, but not tonight. Tonight he couldn’t get the Golf driving bloke he just met out of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is it for a few days, I think I am all out of steam now haha.
> 
> Tell me what you guys think.


End file.
